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[07 Dec 2009|12:10am] |
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I feel like I'm far too often afraid to show who I really am. Maybe its because I still am not sure. I've been writing a lot more lately, but still feel like I haven't quite found my voice. Maybe its all these late nights I've been having. I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter.
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[18 Sep 2009|12:34pm] |
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Is is weird that sometimes I catch myself narrating my own life?
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[07 Sep 2009|11:25pm] |
I've seen love go by my door
It's never been this close before
Never been so easy or so slow.
Been shooting in the dark too long
When somethin's not right it's wrong
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.
Dragon clouds so high above
I've only known careless love,
It's always hit me from below.
This time around it's more correct
Right on target, so direct,
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.
Purple clover, Queen Anne lace,
Crimson hair across your face,
You could make me cry if you don't know.
Can't remember what I was thinkin' of
You might be spoilin' me too much, love,
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.
Flowers on the hillside, bloomin' crazy,
Crickets talkin' back and forth in rhyme,
Blue river runnin' slow and lazy,
I could stay with you forever
And never realize the time.
Situations have ended sad,
Relationships have all been bad.
Mine've been like Verlaine's and Rimbaud.
But there's no way I can compare
All those scenes to this affair,
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.
Yer gonna make me wonder what I'm doin',
Stayin' far behind without you.
Yer gonna make me wonder what I'm sayin',
Yer gonna make me give myself a good talkin' to.
I'll look for you in old Honolulu,
San Francisco, Ashtabula,
Yer gonna have to leave me now, I know.
But I'll see you in the sky above,
In the tall grass, in the ones I love,
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.
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[04 Sep 2009|04:22pm] |
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My heart hurts. Literally. In both senses of the phrase. I think my body is taking this heartbreak thing a little too seriously...
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| God Hates Us All |
[28 Aug 2009|11:56am] |
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I think at this point in my life I've given up on the idea of living happily ever after. We all start off with good intentions, but as time passes too many things get in the way and our own needs and desires don't always line up with even those to whom we are closest. I see a world filled with hurt. I see everyone walking around with a chip on their shoulder; as life goes on they just continue to accumulate--a chip here, a chip there--and I guess you just have to hope that by the end of it all there is still something left. That's just life and no one escapes, except those too stupid and selfish to realize they're just passing it on to the people around them. I think that once you are deeply hurt it never goes away. It doesn't mean you'll never be happy, it's just something that doesn't ever leave you and will always be there buried deep, deep down. But that's reserved for the lucky ones. It helps you appreciate whatever it was you had all the more. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But will it ever be the same? This is just making me depressed.
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[17 Aug 2009|11:50pm] |
when life gives you lemons--make lemonade.
when it feels like there's nothing left to live for--what's the fucking point?
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[27 Jul 2009|02:55pm] |
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Fuck. My. Life.
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[19 Jul 2009|02:29am] |
who will love you?
who will fight?
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[17 Feb 2009|11:31pm] |
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Anyone got a smoke?
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[04 Feb 2009|08:50pm] |
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Stuff. Things. People. Places.
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| chocolate covered cars and midnight ramblings |
[31 Jan 2009|01:31am] |
There are certain times in one's life when you just step back and say, "really?" What is happiness but an abstract concept fraught with multiple possible implications. Is it a color? Red, yellow, orange--something warm.
But can one be cold and yet still happy? Does the word invite contradictions?
Emotions are volatile; something one minute, something else the next. Always something. Never nothing. It feeds off one's daily experiences. But if nothing is happening--stuck in purgatory--is it accompanied by apathy?
Life is volatile, but that keeps things interesting. I cannot admit to be random, but honestly, sometimes I don't know where my thoughts are going--somewhere my superego obviously wasn't invited.
It's cold. The heater in my house is broken. I'm cold. I'm happy.
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[29 Jan 2009|02:15pm] |
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Shit. It's raining.
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[27 Jan 2009|06:54pm] |
The Way I See It #76
The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating--in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.
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[16 Oct 2008|03:20pm] |
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I embrace the ridiculous.
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[25 Aug 2008|11:41pm] |
Am I feeling both productive and creative suddenly?
...nope nevermind
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[07 Aug 2008|01:11am] |
i believe...
in?
life
-no,
in family
-sometimes.
in myself?
-i wish.
i dream...
of
having a productive life.
yes.
doing something,
i mean,
actually DOING something.
yes.
what have you done lately, huh?
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[18 Jun 2008|12:24am] |
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i dont know i dont know i dont know...
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[25 May 2008|12:51am] |
Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River
Life is old there; older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowin' like a breeze
Country roads take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Momma
Take me home country roads
All my mem'ries gather 'round her
Miner's lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine; teardrop in my eye
I hear her voice, in the mornin' hours she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And driving down the road I get a feeling
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday
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[20 May 2008|08:14pm] |
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I miss boston...
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[25 Apr 2008|02:01am] |
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So, here I am; sitting here in Chelmsford; my first year of college behind me; and I can't help but wonder: what did I learn? I don't feel any different. I don't really look any different. But still, something has changed. I've moved forward in my life. I think college isn't just a place to become book-smart. It is also a place to become more socially aware, both in a local and in a global sense. I don't remember where I've heard this before but I feel this applies to my life now: 'Oh, the places you'll go and the people you'll meet.' I've made a bunch of new and good friends. I've lived in Boston for a year; right now I'm hanging out in Chelmsford; tomorrow I'm going up to Merrimack. Who knows where I'll be in six months. Maybe just Florida. Anyways, I think I've gotten a little too nostalgic for my taste, now.
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